I've been meeting with Dean (not his name) in the Whatcom County Jail for several months now. When we first met and talked about Jesus, his language sounded like a Sunday school idea of God being out there somewhere and prayer being that thing you said before you went to bed, if you said it at all.
As we have talked and I've shared stories with him about the beautiful, radical, supernatural things Jesus is up to, Dean has been drawn in to a deeper engagement with Jesus. Today as we talked, I felt Jesus wanted to lift some burdens off of him. We read Matthew 11:28-30 -
Come to Me, all you who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon yourself and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble of heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.
We talked about the things he was carrying and I asked him if he wanted to exchange his burdens for Jesus' burden. Sure. So we did a meeting place - if you could meet with Jesus anywhere, where would that be - imagine it. If Jesus were there, what would He look like? How would He greet you? And so on. We've done this before and Dean usually meets Jesus in the same place - in the woods.
As he did, I asked Jesus, "Jesus, if there is a place You'd like to meet Dean that is different that what he is imagining, will You take him there?" There was several minutes of silence and I asked Dean what was going on. He said it was the most incredible thing. When I had asked Jesus that question, the meeting place changed.
As he had been walking on a path in the woods, suddenly he was walking on clouds. He was carrying a backpack full of his burdens. As he unpacked it, he found it was full of glass spheres, each with a name of a burden. He handed each one over to Jesus and they disappeared. Then Jesus gave him a very large glass sphere with the word "sobriety" on it.
Dean was blown away as we talked about how he had encountered Jesus there in a 3x4 concrete room as we prayed over the visitor phones. I just love how Jesus loves him and makes Himself known. We prayed into the vision for Jesus' strength and presence to be with him as he receives the burden of sobriety.
Monday, March 15, 2010
A Word from the Lord
Last week at the Underground Coffee project (www.undergroundcoffeeproject.com) (our gathering for ex-offenders, gangsters, and addicts), Nicholas came up to me and said, "Check out what God is saying." He starts to read 2 Corinthians 8:10-12, but his bible is King James Version and when he finishes, I tell him, "Dude, I have no idea what you just read."
I open my bible and begin to read, And in this manner I give you my judgment: this benefits you, who a year ago started not only to do but also to desire it. So now finish doing it...
This is completely out of the context the Apostle Paul is writing about, but as I read it the Presence of God came into the basement so strongly that I had to stop reading and close my eyes and worship. God was highlighting a word for me. A year ago was when He told me to "plant a church." As I began to think about it then and desire it, even to start planning, I felt Him tell me, "No. Wait."
I moved to a chair and Nicholas is praying over me as I continue to read: ...so that your readiness in desiring it may be matched by your completing it out of what you have. For if the readiness is there, it is acceptable according to what a person has, not according to what a person does not have.
Again, the Presence of God rushes in and I am compelled to stop and worship.
I have had worries about the endless possibilities of what it should look like and whether I can do this or that or the other thing, and feeling like I have to have it all figured out before we start. God was speaking directly into all of it. He says that the Word will be accompanied by signs to confirm it. He is so good!
Amen and amen.
I open my bible and begin to read, And in this manner I give you my judgment: this benefits you, who a year ago started not only to do but also to desire it. So now finish doing it...
This is completely out of the context the Apostle Paul is writing about, but as I read it the Presence of God came into the basement so strongly that I had to stop reading and close my eyes and worship. God was highlighting a word for me. A year ago was when He told me to "plant a church." As I began to think about it then and desire it, even to start planning, I felt Him tell me, "No. Wait."
I moved to a chair and Nicholas is praying over me as I continue to read: ...so that your readiness in desiring it may be matched by your completing it out of what you have. For if the readiness is there, it is acceptable according to what a person has, not according to what a person does not have.
Again, the Presence of God rushes in and I am compelled to stop and worship.
I have had worries about the endless possibilities of what it should look like and whether I can do this or that or the other thing, and feeling like I have to have it all figured out before we start. God was speaking directly into all of it. He says that the Word will be accompanied by signs to confirm it. He is so good!
Amen and amen.
Nick at Night
We are not a recovery house. We are learning, but it is painful. Two and half months ago, we scooped up Nick getting out of prison after 3 1/2 years. Several men took him away to a mountain cabin and prayed with him and showered him with the Father's love and adoption. Nick came back to stay in our building and be in our community. Though the possibility of relapse was there, Nick was getting back in touch with his 8 year old son. He was deciding what he wanted with his life.
But he was also struggling - Romans 7 struggling. I do not do what I want to do; in fact, the very thing I do not want to do, that is what I do...
One night he decided to visit his old girlfriend and relapsed. When he called the next day, he just wanted his money, so he could get high, but we wouldn't give it to him. He came by and said he didn't want us to pray for him or get spiritual. When he tried to leave, Chris kept stepping in his way and praying. We worshipped and prayed and eventually Nick calmed down and stayed.
But we are not a recovery house and keeping a constant eye on Nick took its toll on the four other men living in the building. Nick relapsed several more times. Each time he would return, repentant. At one point, I took him to a doctor's appointment. He told her he was tired of people keeping an eye on him all the time, treating him like a child. She was a straight shooter; she said, "You're right. We are keeping an eye on you. You are acting like a child." As she was leaving she stopped and said, "You have a lot of people putting themselves out there for you. Take advantage of it."
But heroin and meth play a mean fiddle and Nick dances. Relapse, detox, etc. He is now in a treatment facility for 90 days. We are not a recovery house, but we are learning what we can do and what we can't.
But he was also struggling - Romans 7 struggling. I do not do what I want to do; in fact, the very thing I do not want to do, that is what I do...
One night he decided to visit his old girlfriend and relapsed. When he called the next day, he just wanted his money, so he could get high, but we wouldn't give it to him. He came by and said he didn't want us to pray for him or get spiritual. When he tried to leave, Chris kept stepping in his way and praying. We worshipped and prayed and eventually Nick calmed down and stayed.
But we are not a recovery house and keeping a constant eye on Nick took its toll on the four other men living in the building. Nick relapsed several more times. Each time he would return, repentant. At one point, I took him to a doctor's appointment. He told her he was tired of people keeping an eye on him all the time, treating him like a child. She was a straight shooter; she said, "You're right. We are keeping an eye on you. You are acting like a child." As she was leaving she stopped and said, "You have a lot of people putting themselves out there for you. Take advantage of it."
But heroin and meth play a mean fiddle and Nick dances. Relapse, detox, etc. He is now in a treatment facility for 90 days. We are not a recovery house, but we are learning what we can do and what we can't.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
When the Holy Spirit takes over in worship
We were having a mini-retreat last weekend at New Earth Refuge. The topic for the afternoon was to be "what does it mean to be led by the Spirit in worship?"
One of the sayings we have picked up along the way is "plan by principle but be led by the Presence." So, in principle I had planned. But as we spent some time listening to worship music I found myself responding / feeling differently than I have in the past listening to this music. I sensed that the Holy Spirit wanted to show us what it looked like to be led by the Spirit, rather than for us to talk about it. I don't want to talk about You like You're not in the room - I want to look right at You, I want to sing right to You.
I sensed the Presence of God in a stronger way in the room and began to worship more as we responded to His Presence. I began to pray for people and saw that God was touching each person significantly. We stayed in that place for a while. Things I had planned to do after the teaching time, I felt the Spirit say, "You don't need to teach what I am doing right now. Go ahead and do those things." So I invited people to surrender more to Jesus and to receive more from Him. It was so beautiful to be a part of.
Then we shifted to a time of debriefing and discerning. 1 John 4:1 tells us to "test every spirit." We talked about what the Spirit had been doing, what each person's experience and understanding of it was - how important it is to have that time to discern, since there is a lot going on in us and it isn't all from God.
One of the sayings we have picked up along the way is "plan by principle but be led by the Presence." So, in principle I had planned. But as we spent some time listening to worship music I found myself responding / feeling differently than I have in the past listening to this music. I sensed that the Holy Spirit wanted to show us what it looked like to be led by the Spirit, rather than for us to talk about it. I don't want to talk about You like You're not in the room - I want to look right at You, I want to sing right to You.
I sensed the Presence of God in a stronger way in the room and began to worship more as we responded to His Presence. I began to pray for people and saw that God was touching each person significantly. We stayed in that place for a while. Things I had planned to do after the teaching time, I felt the Spirit say, "You don't need to teach what I am doing right now. Go ahead and do those things." So I invited people to surrender more to Jesus and to receive more from Him. It was so beautiful to be a part of.
Then we shifted to a time of debriefing and discerning. 1 John 4:1 tells us to "test every spirit." We talked about what the Spirit had been doing, what each person's experience and understanding of it was - how important it is to have that time to discern, since there is a lot going on in us and it isn't all from God.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Dark Night
Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the voice of His servant? Let him who walks in darkness and has no light trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God. Isaiah 50:10
I've been in a strange place lately. I've been crying out to God for breakthrough in all the areas I feel stuck or see other people stuck, where I see glimmers of the Kingdom that are hugely encouraging and make me hungry for more - more of God's presence, more healing, more intimacy, more freedom. I believe there is more. What I have seen is already so much more than I used to believe or expect; it makes me believe it all. And I hear stories from around the world of the "more" that Jesus is up to. But we're not seeing it yet.
As I am waiting, I am finding myself in a darkness that feels, at times, like I have lost my way. While my conversations with God are as lively as ever, I don't sense His presence or hear from Him like I have been. Especially when I am in a place to pray for someone else, I have the deeply disorienting sense of having nothing to offer and not knowing how to pray AND not having faith that God is going to "show up" when I do. I realize that the ways I have learned to pray, which have been life-giving, have the potential (along with all prayer) of being formulaic or technique. I think God is stripping me of that, which is good because it gets me back to He is the Vine and I am a branch and apart from Him I can do nothing. We have been saying for some time that we want to walk in total reliance on Jesus, who did nothing of Himself but only what He saw the Father doing. How else to do that but to be in utter reliance?
The hard part is that whatever is going on doesn't feel very good. It is depressing and out of control. Is it time to press in or to simply receive the Kingdom like a little child?
I've been in a strange place lately. I've been crying out to God for breakthrough in all the areas I feel stuck or see other people stuck, where I see glimmers of the Kingdom that are hugely encouraging and make me hungry for more - more of God's presence, more healing, more intimacy, more freedom. I believe there is more. What I have seen is already so much more than I used to believe or expect; it makes me believe it all. And I hear stories from around the world of the "more" that Jesus is up to. But we're not seeing it yet.
As I am waiting, I am finding myself in a darkness that feels, at times, like I have lost my way. While my conversations with God are as lively as ever, I don't sense His presence or hear from Him like I have been. Especially when I am in a place to pray for someone else, I have the deeply disorienting sense of having nothing to offer and not knowing how to pray AND not having faith that God is going to "show up" when I do. I realize that the ways I have learned to pray, which have been life-giving, have the potential (along with all prayer) of being formulaic or technique. I think God is stripping me of that, which is good because it gets me back to He is the Vine and I am a branch and apart from Him I can do nothing. We have been saying for some time that we want to walk in total reliance on Jesus, who did nothing of Himself but only what He saw the Father doing. How else to do that but to be in utter reliance?
The hard part is that whatever is going on doesn't feel very good. It is depressing and out of control. Is it time to press in or to simply receive the Kingdom like a little child?
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