Today you will be with me in Paradise

I was talking with Alberto in the jail today. He has been experiencing so much of God's presence lately. I didn't think our last conversation had gone anywhere when I talked about forgiving enemies, but he said he had made a list of all the people he needed to forgive and had spent a lot of time praying forgiveness toward them. When he was done he said it felt like a small thorn had been removed from his heart. He said he told his mom she should forgive some people and she laughed at him, but he insisted that God was bringing him freedom.

He said he'd had a couple dreams where he was speaking the scriptures to someone. The most recent one was with the thieves on the crosses next to Jesus. One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: “Aren’t you the Messiah? Save yourself and us!”But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.”Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.”

I asked him why he thought he'd dreamed that scripture. He wasn't sure. I suggested that Jesus was saying that being a criminal didn't separate him from Him and that even today he was with Jesus in His Kingdom.

Worship sets us free

Back in May we hosted a conference on healing of emotions and memories with Lin Button and her team from London. I was looking forward to this and was in charge of coordinating worship times. As we got closer to the conference I found myself exhausted and that it was difficult to worship. Worship leading was hard and dry. It was becoming hard work. I was feeling disconnected.

The morning before the conference I was feeling it even more, that worship was getting further from me and harder - like I didn't have it in me. The thought of picking music and leading it felt like despair.

Then the thought came to me as I was walking: "Worship is where breakthrough happens, more than in teaching. Of course the Enemy is attacking your worship." At that moment the despair lifted and I knew I needed to press in to God in worship no matter how I felt.

But it really helped to feel freer to move into it because of that encounter with Jesus on the trail.

The journey is too much for you

I've been feeling fried - overwhelmed, taking on too many people's stuff, exhausted; each day taking longer than the last to get momentum, passion, or energy. And I added to my schedule taking on several speaking engagements and a conference this month.

I go semi-regularly to the Bellingham healing prayer rooms because I need to receive prayer from places in addition to our ministry at Tierra Nueva. Last week I came in and found that someone had crafted a six foot cross and mounted it on the wall in the hallway of the prayer rooms and backlit it with rope lights. I placed my hand on the cross and it felt good. There was a physical sense of peace and rest - so I stayed there a while and eventually knelt.

As I was kneeling I found myself thinking about angels. What came to my mind was a picture of me kneeling and an angel draping a cloth over me, and another angel putting something on my lips.

When I got up to go into the waiting room, a woman approached me and said that there were angels in front of the cross and I had been kneeling in one. I stayed in the waiting room for a while and realized that the cross was a better place to wait so I went and sat at the foot. By the time I went in to receive prayer, I felt light and great.

I taught last weekend at a retreat near Mt. Rainier. These are often exhilarating and exhausting weekends, but this time I felt energized when I left. My time in the prayer room brought about a complete turn around for me.

Sometimes we can have experiences and not know what they mean or do or what to do with them. But this work of God has so clearly refreshed me, there is no other explanation for it.

I am reminded of a story from the Old Testament when the prophet Elijah is threatened by the queen Jezebel, he runs for his life and is ready to quit, even to the point of asking God to end his life. He lays down in an exhausted sleep and when he wakes there is an angel baking bread and offering him a jar of water. The angel says, "Arise and eat, for the journey is too much for you," and on the strength of the bread and water Elijah travels for 40 days.

Yeah, that's what was going on. Thank You God.

Too many Courtrooms

I sat in Whatcom County Superior Court waiting to see what would happen with the case of another friend of mine. Having met with him regularly in the jail and knowing he was going off to prison for his fifth time (he is 42 and has been in the system since he was 12), I felt a deep sense of futility about our work. Where is the lasting change? Where is real freedom and transformation?

And that is just one man. I sat in the courtroom and saw man after man come before the judge and felt overwhelmed by the needs and brokenness. In addition to these men are all those sitting around me who have as much need.

I thought about when Jesus looked at the crowds that were coming to him and had compassion on them because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Maybe he was feeling overwhelmed, too. So he tells his disciples to pray to the Lord of the harvest and ask Him to send workers into the fields, because the harvest is plentiful and the workers are few.

So this is what I prayed a few weeks ago. And I realize that these people in this room are precisely the people Jesus spent his time with - he was called a friend of sinners and tax collectors. He didn't bring them into the synagogue; he went to their houses...

Rainier Marie Rilke writes in The Voices:

The rich do well to keep silent
for no one cares who or what they are.
But those in need must reveal themselves,
must say: I am blind
or: I am on the verge of going blind
or: nothing goes well with me on the earth...
or: I have a sickly child
or: I have little to hold me together...

And chances are that this is not nearly enough

And because people ignore them as they pass by
a thing; these unfortunates have to sing!

And at times one hears some excellent singing!

Of course, people differ in their tastes:
some would prefer to listen to choirs of boy-castrati

But God himself comes often and stays long
when the castrati's singing disturbs him.

Courtroom Intercession

It's been a while since I entered anything - more for busyness than lack.

I've been going to court lately as one of the men I have been visiting in jail has hearings. Court can be a discouraging place. Since these are hearings and not trials, there is a lot of activity as the front of the courtroom is full of attorneys - about a dozen or so - prosecuters and defense alike. Over the period of three hours inmates are brought down in their red jump suits and in chains to appear with their attorney (in most cases hugely overworked public defenders) before the judge.

I feel the disillusionment and cynicism in the room. How hard it must be for the defense attorneys to present a compelling case that their client (with a string of offenses) should be released or bail lowered or some other thing. I wonder if they have a hard time believing it for themselves. How difficult for the judge to remain open to possibilities, to not be cynical when he sees person after person, case after case, some people over and over again - how to judge justly. And what is it like for the prosecuting attorneys whose job it is to accuse and make the accusation stick? I feel despair.

How to pray in this place? We make it our business to forgive those who have wronged us, to bless those who curse us, to pray for those who persecute us - this is our template. We bless the judge and pray that they would do justice, love mercy and walk humbly with Father God. We bless the defense attorneys, pray for their energy and encouragement, and that the Holy Spirit Advocate would stand with them and guide them. We bless the prosecuting attorneys and pray that Jesus would stand between them and the Accuser in a job that is so much about accusation.

Beyond that it is hard to know how to pray because it is hard to know what the person in front of us really needs and what God really wants to do for them. How do you pray "God's will" in that place? Often we simply pray quietly in tongues because in our weakness we don't know how to pray so the Holy Spirit intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words... He intercedes for us according to God's will.

Persecution

I was driving Jamie back to Lummi tonight. Usually I am trying to think of how to make conversation with my big friend. But he is all talk this evening.

Like most gangsters, Jamie's is a sad story. He is trying to live in a new way now and it's been hard. Twice now, groups of homies have stepped up on him trying to pick a fight, and one who spit in his face got what he asked for. It bothered Jamie that he fought this guy - he felt like he took a step back into the life, so what's the point?

What difference does it make if I stop slinging and banging? What difference if these guys are still going to come after me?

"The difference is what is going on on the inside," I tell him. I point to his chest. "There is new life going on in there."

I talked to Chris and Bethany cause I wanted their opinion. I'm telling you this cause I want your opinion. Do you think I should have fought that guy? What do you think?

"It is hard for me to tell you what you should do, Jamie, because I've never been in your shoes. I haven't been in fights. I can't imagine what its like to try and leave that life. But here's the deal. All the guys I respect wouldn't have fought."

What?

"I don't mean any disrespect to you, but I'm talking about Jesus and Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr. These guys got beat on but didn't return the beating. Jesus got spit on and beat and executed. Their non-violence changed things."

It's hard. I thought once I decided to make a change that life was going to get better, but it isn't. It's hard.

"Yeah. Jesus said, "Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake." And everyone who wants to live a godly life is going to be persecuted. That is what is happening to you."

"It's like if you keep garbage on your porch and racoons and rats are always getting into it. Then you clean it up, but the racoons keep coming around because they are used to finding garbage there. After a while they stop coming because there is nothing there anymore."

"You can ask all sorts of people their opinions, but I am finding it is good to ask Jesus." I tell him a story of his friend Pipe, asking us for our opinion, our praying with him, and what he hears from Jesus. "I think if you ask Jesus, he will speak to you. If you aren't hearing anything or aren't clear, then you should ask your friends."

We talk some more about this and I keep thinking about what he is experiencing right now and his discouragement.

"You've probably heard Chris talk about Jesus' baptism. When Jesus comes out of the water he hears God say, "This is My Son, whom I love; I am happy with him!" The Father keeps speaking that over him because it is core to who he is. You are My Son. You are My Son. Don't forget that no matter what comes against you. Then the Spirit takes Jesus out into the desert and he is tested by the devil and at every point the devil tests the core thing God has said: "If you are God's Son, prove it; do this. If you are God's Son, prove it; do that." That is what is going on for you, Jamie. You want to live a new life and the devil is testing you, telling you to prove it."

Jamie nodded and grinned and began to rap, something along the lines of all this stuff is going on / I think I'm going to lose it; I'm trying to live a new life but the devil tells me to prove it...

Later he asks me how I came to know God and I share some of my early story and how when I took the step things actually got more difficult. He says he just wishes things were better; nothing seems to be changing. I challenge that:

"Jamie, look at what is going on for you. You got hooked up with Loc Saint and your music is getting produced. You went to LA and got to meet Homeboy Industries. And the clincher that you are on your way is that the devil is messing with you. He's afraid, man. He wants you to lose hope. He wants to discourage you, so he is sending a lot against you. He wants to pull you back. No. You are on your way, Jamie. God is moving in you."

Is Forgiveness Enough?

He sat on the floor of our bathroom, his head in his hands. He lamented the choices he had been making, wishing he could take them all back; wishing he could go back to weeks ago when we ran into each other on the trail near my house. He would have made a different choice if he could go back.

His confession was combined with drug-induced paranoia. I'd seen him a few weeks earlier, bought him lunch and given him a lift. At that point I told him he could go to detox and stay in the nightmare of his addiction and life on the streets. It is a much longer story, but he told me he wasn't ready for detox.

Perhaps, now.

He looked up and asked me, "Do you think forgiveness is enough?"

I surpised myself by answering rather quickly, "No. It's not enough."

He looked at me with questions, and I said, "You ALWAYS have forgiveness. The love of the Father is ALWAYS pursuing you; always! He never gives up. He is always for you. Just ask and it is yours. But you need more than to be forgiven. I need more than forgiveness. I need empowerment to live in a new way. YOU need empowerment to live in a new way."

Jesus didn't live, die and rise again just so we can be forgiven. Forgiveness gets us back from negative accounting to zero. Jesus wants to move us into the black, into positive numbers, into life abundant, into a place where we are exercising authority over the things that have mastered us. He came to bring us into our authority as daughters and sons of our Father in heaven, where we are exercising His Kingdom authority on earth as it is in heaven.