My dad died six weeks ago. I wasn't there when he died and didn't see him before the end. Part of me didn't believe he was dead because there was no visual sign for closure. I even had a dream last week where my dad looked healthy and younger and I told him, "I knew you weren't dead!"

Last weekend, my three sisters and I converged on Sunriver, OR - my dad and stepmom's summer home. As we got closer to our destination, I felt heavier and heavier. It was my doom approaching. I knew that once we arrived at the house and he wasn't there, that his death was real. I was almost suffocating with it by the time we arrived. Friday night was tough.

Prayer is where the action is!

I keep having these opportunities to pray with people in amazing ways.

We just had a group of pastors from around the world who work with the least, the less and the lost, come visit and we got to pray for them. One pastor, who works in Camden, NJ asked for prayer for his foot which was afflicted with gout. We prayed and he could move his toe without pain. Yes, Jesus!

Last week I listened to a man from Tijuana who had come up here to get away from his family who had deeply wronged him, and a pastor who had betrayed him. We have been talking about how the hardest thing Jesus calls us to do is to forgive those who have wronged us, and to bless our enemies, but that this is the way of Jesus. I asked his forgiveness on behalf of the pastor who had wronged him and he was deeply moved. He is not ready to forgive, but he knows that he is in his own prison until he does. Pray for him to have the grace he needs to forgive.

Today we are feeling the rest that comes after a long awaited conversation has happened and gone well.

Tierra Nueva is in the midst of a paradigm shift - moving from being solely a mission outreach to including a growing faith community, a more intentional community living in the building, and a training center. All this has happened without planning but has grown to a level where it requires new organizational structures to help facilitate and cultivate it.

We have been blessed by the presence of Dr. Bruce Murphy (former pastor of Bethany Presbyterian in Seattle, former Provost for SPU, and former President of a Christian Liberal Arts University in Iowa - the name escapes me at the moment). He has sweet skills (bow hunting, etc...) Between Bruce listening and processing so succinctly what he heard and working through it with Nick Bryant, Tierra Nueva's resident community herald - what came was a gracious and hopeful forum giving some shape to TN going forward. And with that promise of shape comes a sense of rest.

Turn arounds

Its hard to say the how, the when or the why it happens. We've been feeling stuck lately, sorting out schedules, needing to make some significant changes and feeling lost in that, and dealing with the death of my dad two weeks ago. It has been heavy and depressing, even as we pressed in in prayer for so many people who are suffering from life-threatening illnesses - Ben Towne, Marina Mitskevich, Tina Thomas, Jason Mattax, and Pete Sheldrup.

Pastor Bill Johnson noted on Jesus' parables about prayer:

• the friend who comes to his neighbor at midnight asking for a loaf of bread for his guest; the neighbor won't give it because he is a friend, but because the neighbor is going to wake the children if he continues
• the widow who comes to the unjust judge for justice; he won't give it except that she keeps coming and bothering him, so he gives her what she asks for

Johnson says that there are prayers that God answers because we are His friends, and prayers He answers because He is the just judge, but there are prayers that are only answered because we persevere and press in for the answer.

While we haven't seen the level of healing that we are pressing in for, as I pressed in to Jesus this morning, I felt a cloud lift and a lightness of heart that I haven't felt for a while. I saw Jesus standing there, glorious, full of the fire of love and holiness, and had to look away as the cloud dispersed. His presence moved my eyes away from focusing on all that is before me as though it were telling me the truth of things. His invitation is to keep seeking Him, to keep pressing in, to keep asking, seeking and knocking; but to look to Him and keep looking - the Author and Perfecter of our Faith.

Wet Saturdays in August

Things are moving forward at Tierra Nueva. What that means is that we know things need to change and are having conversations about it, but not clarity as to what the change is to look like. There have been plenty of prophetic words about thinking "outside the box" and "beyond what we can imagine" so how do you get your thoughts around that?!

One thing that is clear that seems to be preparatory for this change concerns the tension between "entering the Kingdom as a little child" and growing up in Jesus. The Spirit is moving people away from a reactionary stance on all things that smack of the Law, for "those who are led by the Spirit are no longer under the law." But this still means submitting, obeying and following the Spirit.

There is also a realization that Tierra Nueva isn't what it used to be, which was solely a mission outreach. It is becoming a church. The image we discussed was the strawberry plant - each plant sends out runners so that a strawberry patch is a vast colony of one plant. In Latin, the runner is called an apostolos. Go figure. For years, TN has functioned as a para-church, but what we are discovering is that in the going, something has taken root and a mission community is growing that has all the parts of the plants, all necessary and equally valued. This is a big shift.

Blasphemy!

There have been days when I find myself the older brother in Jesus' parable of the prodigal son - actually that is most days... grace is hard for me. I try so hard to be right. And it seems as though one of the reasons we are at Tierra Nueva is to begin to dismantle that as I am regularly confronted by a love and acceptance of others, and an accompanying theology (as it were) that scandalizes me. My friend and co-worker, Chris, is a wondeful vehicle of this for me. I find that one of my regular responses to some things he says is, "I'm really not comfortable with that idea." He smiles and says, "Let's dance!"

Last week I was reading in Mark 2, where the four friends bring their paralyzed friend to Jesus and tear the roof off the house so they can get him close to Jesus. This is one of my favorite encounters in the gospels. As I was reading, I was thinking my thoughts about it, thoughts I have had in the past, good thoughts, insightful thoughts, but my thoughts. I stopped and asked Jesus - "Jesus, I know what I think about this passage. What do You want to show me here?" And very quickly I heard Him say, "I want you to see that they called Me a blasphemer."

I realized that I have not been scandalized by Jesus - and that is a scandal itself. Other than His claim to being the Way, the Truth and the Life (an exclusive claim), my thinking about Jesus has often glossed over the things I don't understand or am not comfortable with. I have stuck with the things with which I am comfortable or feel I can explain. In other words, I have a Jesus that is made in my image. Jesus was considered a glutton and a sinner by the religious leadership. And I am part of today's religious leadership. Thomas Jefferson made his own version of the bible where he removed everything supernatural or miraculous, probably because that scandalized his intellect. But I think we have all edited the gospels and the person of Jesus to fit (or even justify) our religious and cultural worldview. We need to let Jesus expose those cultural justifications and versions of Himself in our thinking. And that is really hard while we are still immersed in that culture. It is so ingrained in our thinking and living that it is like asking a fish to describe water. I can talk about it as an idea but living it feels like it takes more and much will resist it. I feel the resistance in me even here. I am just like the disciples who don't get it, not just about Jesus as the Son of God, but about the scandalous love of God the Father that sent His Son into the world. Jesus, friend of sinners.

I think we need to leave. We have been given the gift of leaving and having our cultural and religious assumptions regularly exposed. It would be more difficult if Tierra Nueva had come to our Seattle church and done a conference and then left. It feels like Peter and James and John leaving their family businesses, and Matthew leaving his tax booth. Is Jesus calling you to leave in order to follow Him?

Troy's Art Show

It was really amazing how the crew at Tierra Nueva transformed our space into an art studio! This was the unveiling of the mural he has been working on for two years in its various manifestations - and it was truly astounding to hear him talk about all the things that had been part of his journey in living and working with people from the margins that make up the mural. It was the gospel message - we should have had an altar call instead of an auction! But the auction and sales of other of Troy's work will give him plenty of money for his trip. He leaves for France on Sunday for a year. I didn't really appreciate what a treasure he is. I will miss him.