Removing the Blame

We were praying with John (not his name). This was the third time. As we had some worship music on and quietly invited Jesus to come bring healing to him, I asked Jesus what He wanted to do or what He wanted to show us. An image came to my mind of a rough post with a metal ridge a little higher than head height. I dismissed it, thinking I was dozing off. The image came back so I asked Jesus what it was about. The image expanded to reveal what appeared to be the inside of a barn and a young boy (around ten) kneeling, saying, "It wasn't my fault; it wasn't my fault." I saw other kids sitting on boxes or hay bales above him, laughing.

I asked John if something bad had happened in a barn when he was ten. He told us about how he had been jumping out of the hay loft. He added more hay to the pile so it was softer to land on. Later in the day, his cousin joined him and hurt himself badly by landing on a hay fork that was hidden in the pile. John ran off for help.

John mentioned that he was often around when things happened and would help but people suspected he was to blame for them as the "coincidence" of his presence at these events become more frequent. I felt like Jesus wanted to remove the label of "blame-taker" and scapegoat from him, and also that he might need to forgive himself for what happened that day.

I asked him if he could picture himself with Jesus at the cross. (The cross is the place of exchange - our sin for His forgiveness, our burdens for His yoke, our death for His life...). He said yes, and saw himself kneeling with Jesus in front of the cross. I asked him what his burden of guilt and blame looked like and would he give it to Jesus. I led him to forgive himself.

As we sat there praying, I watched him having this encounter with Jesus with a smile on his face. I thought we should go back to the memory in the barn and see where Jesus was, so I asked him if he'd want to go there. He said that he and Jesus were already there - Jesus was walking him around the outside of the barn and showing him that some workers had left the hay fork in the pile between the time he had been jumping and when his cousin jumped.

I don't know why I am surprised by that, as though Jesus needs my leading to do anything. I just love how Jesus met with John, first leading me, then leading him.